I am a solitary girl, enigmatic nothing but myself inside this castle of paper,just trying to be humble and kind; main mantra. Me and my cold play song. I wanna buzz, dance and take shots like it was nothing because you make me sick to my stomach, even if I tried to hate you I’d grit my teeth and remember that you were once my world; delicate.
Truth is, I am very strong but with every situation I always hit rock bottom and it always feels like the world is collapsing beneath my feet; horrendous 😢. Yes, I suffered depression, I faced it, dark dark depression, it ate me up like meat from a bone, I was crashed and I was burning, I was either winning or I was just going to die trying; it was real and it was not stopping, every morning I had to fix that smile, walk out of my room and made everything seem okay but I was trying so hard to hold it in till night fell and I would tell dear pillow all my secrets. I would tell her how I missed me, old me, the happy me, the bright me, the gone me; this was going to be the death of me. Deep inside me nothing was fine, I had lost myself, Dear old depression.
My body tried so hard to survive but my mind was willing to die. Sadness, anger, lack of energy , apathy and sweet old insomnia consumed me. The flashbacks are saddening, your condescending attitude shattered my world into a thousand pieces. It’s like you wrote down every word, goodbye spilled out very fast, seems like you had it all figured out, you were alright with how everything was going down. The worst thing about it is because you didn’t feel it, you just couldn’t get it. Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words ripped my skin apart, dear gone depression.
It was a rough road, a tough climb but it wasn’t over for me because I could see the top, I could see the end of the tunnel, I was actually winning, I was tired of crying, sick of dying yes I was dying but now I am smiling. Hope waited for me when I tried to leave, Faith held my hand when I couldn’t do it.
You think you are depressed, it’s okay to feel messed up and inside out. You are not at all out of this world, you are just human.
Just Hold on, pain ends.😊